Woman - a chemical analysis

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: W02

DISCOVERIES: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118lb, but been known to vary from 100 to 500lb

FOUND: Copious quantities in all areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with painted film

2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason

3. Melts if given special treatment

4. Bitter if incorrectly used

5. Found in various stages ranging from vigin metal to common ore

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and preciuos stones

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental especially in a car

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

TESTS:

1. Pure specimens turn rosy pink when discovered in natural state

2. Turns green when placed beside a better speciman

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands

2. Illegal to posses more than one